MRI

I was always curious about MRI scans. I know a few people (physicists) who do research with MRI, and asked about potential studies that might need volunteers once, because I was curious, although I never found a study to be part of.

I had an MRI yesterday. I had to lie face down with a line in my arm while they backed me into the tunnel. It felt like being in an immersive techno experience, frozen inside a robot at a Berlin rave. I tried to zone out and pretend it was music. But they kept coming on the intercom for commentary: 'short break now', '3 min the next one'. It was 30 min total and it was OK. I walked out with red patches on my face from lying in the same position and a piece of cotton wool taped to my arm.

By the end of the day I had cotton+tape on my right arm (MRI line), left arm (blood tests), and a patch on my breast (biopsies+coil insertion). I'd also had X-rays and UV scans in addition to the MRI. I have never felt so reduced to my body. And I have never felt so let down by my body.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Vuggestue

My baby started vuggestue (daycare/nursery) last week. We asked for a place in September so he could get used to it before I go back to work in October. But they gave us a place from August, for reasons I didn't completely understand. So we thought we should get going. Last Thursday, I was diagnosed. So now I am glad he has the place at vuggestue, but instead of going to work I am going to hospital. I have appointments Monday, Wednesday and Thursday this week. The hospital is right next door to my workplace, so it feels very strange, commuting over there on my bike without my baby like old days, but going to the hospital instead of to work. It was already going to be a challenge to integrate my pre baby work life with my post baby life - but I have no idea how to fit cancer and chemo into that.
Read more

Cold water rebirth

After surgery, you aren’t allowed to swim or take a bath for a while - until the scar has healed and infection risk has gone. Six weeks, is what they say. I went to the vinterbad (our cold water swimming club, with sauna-portakabins) six weeks after my first breast surgery. It felt kind of exhilarating, debuting a new body, seeing how it felt in the cold and the hot. A few days later was my second surgery. Six weeks after that, it is starting to feel like spring but the water is still pretty cold. I went again. My body is more changed now: even though my breast is small, people could probably tell there is only one if they look. But I woke up one morning last week after trying out my two prosthetic options, and realised I’d rather just be me. Much like with the wigs. One is too much cleaning, the other will never stay in place. So I will just be me. No faffing around with special underwear and bits of silicone. Just asymmetrical me. I will grow to love my scar. In a way I already d...
Read more

Crushing loneliness

Sometimes I feel so alone, it crushes me, and my lungs and my brain and my heart stop working. Not really, but it feels like it. I miss my mum so much, there is something about having a kid that makes you want your mum. And now when I think of her going through all this with three small ones and not being able to stay to see us grow up... it is too much.
Read more